You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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