:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
