I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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