and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize