Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
