Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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