Swine flu. Run for my life!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
