I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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