paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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