3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
another moral hangover. fuck.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize