Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
