This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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