so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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