I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
