my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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