accomplished twins. life is a go
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
