if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
