I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
