why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
