when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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