she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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