i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
