Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
