just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Boobs speak an international language.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
