There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
