i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
