The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize