I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
