I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
