I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
