i was born a porn star she said
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
