why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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