Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
