24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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