piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
