I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
