It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
