He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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