Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize