I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
