I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
