shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
