Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
