My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize