ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
