If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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