Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
