Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
