The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize