Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
