nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
high people should be assigned attendants
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
