I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize