I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
