There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
