The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
