Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize