I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
