she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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