she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
