I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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